Someone To Watch Over Me
by Purple Lacey
Part Seven
Ezra lay in his big ‘lovey’ bed and listened to the strange noises that came at him from all sides. Creaks and scrapes and other unidentifiable sounds reached the little boy. He was frightened, but didn’t want to call Buck and have his new foster father think he was a little scaredy-cat baby.
At eight o’clock, after Ezra had said his goodnights to all the grown ups there, Buck had carried him from the den and taken him upstairs to his room where Buck had shooed him into the bathroom while the big man rounded up clean underwear and one of his new pair of pajamas. With Buck’s help, Ezra had bathed and brushed his teeth - using his brand new electric Spiderman toothbrush!- and climbed into his big bed while Buck reclined on top of the covers beside him with a story book, one arm wrapped around Ezra’s shoulders . Ezra had cuddled close and happily listened to Buck read until his eyes got too droopy to remain open and he had slipped into a peaceful sleep.
He had not been aware of Buck closing the book and setting it on the bedside table then rising from the bed to turn and tuck him in and place a soft kiss on his little head. Nor did he hear the “Sweet dreams, little man,” the big man murmured before he turned and left the room, leaving only a small nightlight on for Ezra in case he had to get up in the middle of the night. He never heard Buck any of the times the man stepped in to check on him through out the evening before finally going to bed for the night.
It had been several hours after Buck’s departure when the wind blowing outside woke the child. The house was still and Ezra knew Buck must already be in bed asleep. He wanted Buck to come crawl into his lovey bed with him and just hold him until he wasn’t scared anymore, but was too scared to leave it himself to go get the man. There were dark shadows around the room where the dim light of the nightlight didn’t reach. Dark, dangerous shadows that looked liked they moved when he stared at them. He was terrified of what lay in wait for him in those shadows.
The little boy was sitting up in the bed with his knees pulled up against his chest, curled up in a tight protective ball with the bedcovers held up under his chin in tightly clenched little fists as he stared fearfully into the dark places trying to make out the shapes of the awful creatures he was sure were stalking him. He jumped with startled surprise as he felt the mattress beside him sink under the weight of something.
Before he could give voice to the scream stuck in his throat a welcome voice whispered, “There’s nothing to be frightened of, Ezra.”
Ezra turned and threw himself into Chris’ waiting arms and buried his face in his chest. Chris wrapped his arms around the trembling boy and projected all the love and comfort he could to the child. It took a few minutes but Ezra eventually settled down enough to look up at his Angel.
“I was scared,” he whispered as if it was something shameful.
“I know,” Chris told him softly. “It’s alright to be scared, Ezra. You’re in a new place with new people where everything is strange and different. You have a right to be scared. Anyone would be.”
Ezra sniffled a bit then said, “Not Buck. He wouldn’t be scared.”
Chris chuckled and pulled the little boy closer as he informed in, “Oh yeah, even Buck. When he was little he and his Mother moved around a lot and he was always scared at first when he woke up in someplace new.”
Ezra pushed back to look at him at this intriguing news and ask, “He was?”
“Sure. Many’s the time I held him when he was small just the way I’m holding you now. Everybody gets scared, Ezra. Even Buck.”
“Even you?” the boy asked doubtfully.
“Yeah,” Chris replied with a smile, “Even me. I’ve been scared a lot of times.”
Ezra was silent for a long time as he processed that.
“Have you always been a Guardian Angel,” the boy asked curiously.
“No, not always,” Chris said quietly. “I lived a long time ago, more than a hundred years.”
“Did you...did you die?” the child asked hesitantly.
Chris smiled and answered honestly, “Yes, I did.”
“Did it hurt?”
The angel shrugged and evaded the question by saying, “It’s hard to remember. It was a long time ago.”
Ezra absorbed that quietly.
“What is heaven like?” he asked after several minutes.
Chris chuckled and answered, “I really couldn’t say.”
“You’re not allowed?” Ezra craned his head back enough to look at Chris questioningly.
With a rueful shake of the head he replied, “No, I mean I haven’t made it past the front hall yet.”
Completely confused now, Ezra said “Huh? I don’t understand.”
Chris sighed, leaned back against the headboard, and stretched his legs out on the bed while settling Ezra more comfortably in the crook of his arm.
“I told you I lived a long time ago. I lived in what you would call the Old West. Do you know what that is?”
“Cowboys and Indians, right?” Ezra answered brightly.
Larabee chuckled and replied, “Close enough. I ran a horse ranch with my partner who was also my best friend. I had a wife and a son. We were very happy. One day my partner and I had to go away to sell some of our horses. While we were gone some bad men came and burned down my house and killed my family. I came back and found them already gone.
I went a little bit crazy. I was full of hate and grief and despair. I was mad at God and everybody in the world, and mostly at myself for not being there when my family needed me. I just wanted to die and I didn’t care who I took with me. I did a lot of bad things, hurt a lot of people. I was in a very dark place for a long time.” The angel’s face darkened with regret and remorse as he thought back on that time.
“What happened?”
“I met up with my old partner, and found some new friends, some good friends. They helped show me the way back to the light. They taught me how to let go of my hate, and how to deal with my anger and grief. They showed me what I had become and gave me a reason to want to change. One of them helped me ask God to forgive me for the bad things I had done when I was in that dark place.”
“But God didn’t forgive you? He didn’t let you into heaven?” Ezra looked at him sadly.
“Oh, no!” Chris corrected, looking down at the child nestled against him trustingly. “He forgave me right away; the very moment I asked him to. It was ME who couldn’t forgive me. I couldn’t forgive myself for all the people I had hurt. I didn’t feel I deserved to go to heaven. I thought I needed to do something to make amends before I be allowed in. So he let me come back to help some very special people who needed it.”
“A Guardian Angel!” Ezra quipped with a grin.
“Exactly.”
“Are you still mad at yourself?” Ezra watched Chris’ face carefully as he asked as though looking for the answer himself.
“No, not anymore,” Chris assured him. “I’ve just about made my peace with it. Now I just do this because I want to and because my guys need me. I came to you because you needed me, too.”
“And you couldn’t be my angel anymore if you went all the way into Heaven?” Ezra asked, torn between wanting Chris to remain his special angel and him getting into heaven.
“I don’t know. I’ve never asked, but I’m not willing to risk it,” Chris told him with a smile. “Don’t worry about me, Ezra. I’m content with things the way they are right now. I’m not in any rush. There’s still plenty of time for everything. All of Eternity actually,” he said with a joking grin. “I’ll get there eventually.”
“Alright,” the child agreed, content to take the angel at his word, and snuggled comfortably against Chris.
“Now it’s late, young man,” Chris said with loving sternness. “You’re going to have a busy day tomorrow and you’ll need your rest. I’ll be here watching so you don’t have to worry. Close your eyes now and go back to sleep. I’ll keep you safe.”
” ‘Kay,” Ezra said around a big yawn before he cuddled close to Chris and softly slipped back into sleep.